just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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