I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You need a sexual gate keeper
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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