I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
