I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
