we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
