Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
