Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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