Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
