At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
