i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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