Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
