I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
