May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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