I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
