no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
