I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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