I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
