Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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