my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
