youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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