so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
