He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
