I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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