So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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