somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
how drunk are you?
Several
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
