i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The adults are the big ones right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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