Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
