Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
