Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
