Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
