drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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