see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
