Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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