my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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