Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
