bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
