from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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