TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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