im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
