roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
