The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
