i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
