Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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