I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
