I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
