how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
