i think my tv is drunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Four minutes until I can fart!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
