Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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