Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
