Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
