mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
