Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
