Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I forget how to act sober
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