So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
